Understanding Why It Hurts
It’s not just about being left out. It’s about what it feels like: exclusion, confusion, maybe even betrayal. When your friend hangs out with other friends, but not me, your brain instantly starts filling in the blanks, often with worstcase scenarios.
Did I do something wrong? Are they avoiding me? Why am I not good enough to be included?
These thoughts are normal. But they’re also not always accurate. The truth is, friendships—like all relationships—shift. People change, routines adjust, new connections form. Sometimes, it’s nothing personal.
Possible Reasons for the Distance
Before labeling your friend as fake or ditching the friendship, consider some possible explanations:
Different social rhythms: Maybe they’re more extroverted and you’re more lowkey. They could just be spending time in social settings that don’t appeal to you. New friendships aren’t replacements: Adding new people to their circle doesn’t mean you’re being subtracted. It might be circumstantial—like school friends, work friends, or neighbors. They may not realize you’re feeling left out: We often assume people are aware of how we feel. Usually, they’re not.
Still, even if there’s no malicious intent, your feelings are valid.
What You Can Do If a friend hangs out with other friends, but not me
Let’s walk through some useful tactics.
1. Check your assumptions
Before you act on emotions, step back. What do you actually know versus what you’re interpreting? Did your friend invite others but specifically exclude you? Or are they just doing things separately that you happened to notice?
2. Talk about it—without blame
A direct, honest conversation clears up more than you’d expect. Avoid accusations. Say something like, “Hey, I noticed you’ve been hanging out with others lately. I miss spending time with you. Is everything okay between us?”
This opens the door to insight, whether it’s scheduling issues, drift due to life changes, or something deeper.
3. Take initiative
Friendship isn’t onesided. If you’re hoping they’d reach out more, flip the question—when was the last time you initiated plans? Sometimes, we wait for people to include us without realizing we’ve stopped making the effort ourselves.
Try sending a quick text: “Hey, feel like catching up this weekend?” See how they respond.
4. Expand your circle
It sounds counterintuitive, but if your focus is on a friend who’s spending time with others, maybe it’s your turn to do the same. Build or strengthen connections with your own other friends. It reduces the sting and puts the power back in your hands.
5. Accept—it might be time to let go
If you’ve tried to reconnect but they keep brushing you off, distancing themselves, or just don’t seem interested anymore, take the hint. Friendships don’t always end with a dramatic fight—sometimes they just fade. That doesn’t mean your bond wasn’t real, only that people grow apart. Letting go can be a form of selfrespect.
When It Keeps Happening
If you’re often facing a pattern where a friend hangs out with other friends, but not me, reflect on whether it’s a oneoff or something that keeps repeating across different relationships. There might be social patterns worth noticing—like waiting for others to include you instead of being proactive, or relying too much on a single friend for validation or entertainment.
Friendships thrive on mutual effort and shared energy. If you’re always feeling left on read or watching from the sidelines, maybe it’s time to reinvest in yourself and your own circle.
Final Thought
It hurts when your friend hangs out with other friends, but not me, but it’s not the end of the world—or your social life. The key is to stay grounded, communicate openly, and remember your value doesn’t hinge on one person’s attention. Healthy friendships come from mutual respect, time, and effort. If this one isn’t working, others will. Promise.
